Caught a Bug. Let People Down.
Dear Nicholas, Doc thinks I have the flu. So I’ve cancelled commitments for the next few days, which is to say I’ve let people down, six of them to be precise.
That’s what has bothered me about this, messing with their plans, breaking my commitments, even though I have been massively assured by each one I’ve talked with that it’s not a problem. With their assistance, I’ve put aside my worry and obsessing and am simply lying home sick.
But I’ve Let People Down
The fact that letting people down has bothered me to a mildly unhealthy degree means the larger problem is OCD and not FLU.
I’ve thought before that I treat my life as a ritual that must be performed correctly. It’s not very relaxing. I’m rethinking this once again.
Going Viral?
My physician, Jim Parsons, told me to consider myself contagious for 48 hours after the fever is gone.
The lovely flu virus. Is flu really blue? Photo by abhijith3747
So it’s good I didn’t drive to Wilmington today as planned to look after my 95 year-old mom. Having a “note from my doctor” makes bailing on this more tolerable to me. She’s not in shape to deal with the flu, which she freely pointed out to me.
But my usual mantra is, of course: Just Keep Going. And that’s useful in many situations. Not in this one.
Lying here, I find myself rolling my eyes toward the ceiling in a manner that reminds me of classic paintings of martyrs. I don’t actually feel all that bad.
Photo by Minerva Studio
I’m keeping myself entertained reading an excellent novel, The Condition, by Jennifer Haigh. I’m a little afraid to touch my own novel-in-progress in my current state, or maybe that’s an excuse.
I’ve always had really good physical health. Last week, I got my lab results from my annual physical and every single number on the report was excellent. In my adult life, I’ve had one mild case of pneumonia and a couple of tiny skin cancers, the only ailments that have merited an actual name, and a few “bugs,” sports injuries, and colds. That’s all.
Photo by into.
So what’s looking like several days being laid up is pretty exotic. I think I’ve now dispensed with enough of the guilt involved that I can enjoy it. It’s going to take a lot of personal growth before I cope well with any serious ailment.
Bebop Medicine
My still-feisty and quick-witted mother said long ago that if she ever got a terrible diagnosis, she’d do no unpleasant treatment. Instead, after more than 50 years of not-smoking, she’d get herself “a cigarette and a Wendy’s Frosty and go be-bopping down the street.”
As it happens, the only food I’m allergic to is Wendy’s Frostys (and some powdered cocoa) and would prefer that Mom do whatever necessary to stay alive, but I do like that jazzy attitude. It feels free and celebratory rather than hampered by worries of letting people down.
Peggy
Categories: Uncategorized
Tags: after the fever is gone, bebop, breaking my commitments, commitment, contagious, flu, guilt, Jennifer Haigh, Jim Parsons, Just keep going, laid up, note from my doctor, ocd, Personal Growth, ritual must be performed correctly, The Condition, Wendy's Frosty, worry and obsessing
Comments
I just got my official flu diagnosis today and will be missing out on several things in the next week. Fortunately were to be fun things for me–hockey games, dinner with friends, lunch with a friend, etc. I think they are all very thankful that I did not try to act like I was doing well. With just a low-grade temp yesterday, I actually enjoyed being all cozied up in bed for the day.
I have two friends going through chemo so I don’t imagine I will see them for a while. But thinking of them makes these few days of the “eye rolling martyr” a whole lot more bearable.
Can’t relate to the OCD. I have had so much experience living through things that are out of my control–so I can relax…..somewhat. I really enjoy following your blog.
Thanks for this kind and thoughtful comment, Peggy Clover. You’re absolutely right about perspective on the eye-rolling martyr.I don’t envy you the out-of-your-control experiences, but to relax even somewhat sounds really good!
Mama Rachel three years ago went into hospice before her 92nd birthday. I am beginning (age 73) my third week, again, spouse’s 2nd total joint (hip) replacement.
I hope the joint replacement is going well, Bob!
I’m so sorry you’re sick. Did you get a flu shot? Whether yes or no, I hope you recover quickly!
I did get a flu shot, Kenju. But I hear that there are new breeds around. Thanks!
Peggy, continue to give yourself a break. I am 55 and have been pretty fortunate to be rather healthy most of my life. I agree with your mom. She has the right idea.
Giving myself a break, Roy. Sounds like you have the right idea! Thanks!
Hope you feel better fast!
Thanks, Virginia. I hope you haven’t caught it.
Hi Peggy, that is one terrible looking flu bug. No wonder it causes havoc. I’m sorry it got you but I’m real glad you come to the point of realizing you just have to take time off and are not letting them down so much is saving them and that you’re not so sick as to get in the way of some enjoyment, drinking tea and taking naps.
Thanks, Angela. Miracle drug tamiflu turns out to be up to the challenge. I’m making progress. And you’re right about sparing people exposure to a bug: a much-needed reframe.
Over the last 2 and a half years I have had a fair amount of health issues. The nature and substance of those matters is irrelevant for this note. Peggy, you appear to be more concerned about the disruption in your professional and personal life than the effects of the flu. I am offering myself as an example of one who enjoys poor health on some level. I have spent about 50 days hospitalized during that time. The general assumption s that I was straining to be released . My deep, dirty secret? Not necessarily. With the press of a button, I could have liquids, food, reading material, toilet assistance and my pillow fluffed. Not once did I ask for lotion to be applied to my back and legs and have that request denied. No question I prefer good health. But I try to find the lining, silver or not.
Under the circumstances, Ron, you did very well at finding a silver lining. I’ve enjoyed my lie-down, once I got past the guilt. It’s not the disruption to my schedule to that bothered me. It’s that that disruption messed with other people’s plans: a trip delayed for two people, lost income for one, etc. But there’s just nothing I could do about that. Took me a day to come to terms with that.
I have a bad cold and the bebop cheered me up. I hope you feel better soon.
I’m glad the bebop helped, Beverly. My bebop research was pleasantly diverting. Good health to you!
Hope you feel better, Peggy. I can relate to the disproportionate angst of letting people down, how big it can feel. Your mother sounds wonderful!!
Yes, she’s wonderful. And thank you, Mary!