Novelist Struggles With Rapper’s Block: Email to My Therapist

Nicholas, In the flurry of book promotion three years ago when Cobalt Blue came out, I dreamed up a fabulous idea: write a sales rap for all my books. Make a rap video. I was so excited. I wrote the lyrics. I’ve been making pathetic attempts to rap ever since.

I was advised from the start to forget rap. I showed a few friends video of early versions. My friend Joe (who writes about narcissism and shame) emailed me: “…This is a project best abandoned.” Has a way with words, doesn’t he?

 

 

 

I’ve finally decided Joe’s right. I now declare my rap video career over. In solemn remembrance of this earnest effort, I post here the lyrics.

Rap of an Elder Writer

Slowly writing, writing books  My speed has gotta climb Working working getting old  I’m running out of time

Facial aging I’m not fearing  That’s not it at all  I just do my Helen Mirren  And my trusty Southern drawl

Plus, my novels, they are lively  They deal with sex and God  How the two are intertwined How the sexual is divine  Whoa, the theme’s a lightning rod

But enough of such seduction What about my page production I have passed age 65  No problem with that number If it’s just a speed to drive

I’m mostly-Medicared for  Somewhat Socially Secured But money isn’t everything  My scribblings must endure

I mean my books. I’ve published 3 or 4 And my readers,  I’d love to have lots more.

See, I want to be immortal Don’t we all, of course we do  These books could be my portal  If my message touches you.

I’ve had some nice reviews  Wouldn’t want to boast  But folks have said nice things In The Times and The Post

Cobalt Blue the hottest I highly recommend For sure it’s the oddest  A woman in a spin

Not too intellectual A touch of tantra and voodoo Darkly over-sexual The senator should sue

Revelation was my first one With a preacher in a spin God is quite a challenge As is life without a sin

If you lust for foreign travel Sister India’s your trip I spent a winter on the Ganges taking notes but not a dip.

Writing novels is my dharma Stories somewhat weird I’m building up strange karma It’s the way my soul is geared.

I hope you’ll be entranced By these stories deep delicious Your life will be enhanced By this choice that’s so auspicious

Cobalt Blue a lot erotic Revelation full of signs, Sister India exotic Tales of many spiritual kinds

For nonfiction recreation Read Healing Power of Doing Good My one book collaboration Make life better in your hood.

So the name is Peggy Payne That’s P-e-g-g-y Please store this in your brain  That’s Payne with a Y

I won’t sugarcoat this Buy my books, and tell your friends You know why I wrote this Which is how this sales rap ends

Except to say this one more thing Gods and bods they intersect One fine way that we connect

So that’s the way my stories go Earthy with a gold halo.

 

I do thank you for this opportunity for closure. I feel much better now.

Peggy

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Categories: Uncategorized

Tags: attempts to rap, auspicious, block, book promotion, buy my books, closure, darkly over-sexual, earthy, getting old, Helen Mirren, my dharma, my therapist, narcissism and shame, novelist struggles, page production, preacher, rap video, sales rap, strange karma, tantra and voodoo, want to be immortal, writing books