On The Death of a Friend
Dear Nicholas, Sunday night, a dear friend of more than 50 years, Ardis Hatch, died in her sleep. She was 87 and had been ill for a long time. Still, the loss felt sudden. Her son Brad Kimzey wrote a tribute to her that is a wonderful portrait and expresses my feelings better than I can. I’m posting it below. Peggy
Goodbye, Mom. Rest in Peace.
When I was a little boy, I was the nerdy one. My brothers were big and boisterous and loud and gregarious and ready to go do anything; I was skinny, shy, and quiet. I hated Boy Scouts, waited out my time in summer camp like doing time in prison, and spent countless hours stuck in books. I never really wanted to leave home.
In short, I was a Mama’s Boy.
But what a Mama I had.
She was a writer, a teacher, a poet, a CEO of her own successful company, a high-level executive for the State of North Carolina, a published author, and a member of the Order of the Long Leaf Pine. She ran a state-wide program that put published poets into over 60 North Carolina public schools to teach kids how to write their own poetry…then published those poems in anthologies, making the KIDS published poets. She taught at the Writers’ Workshop at NCSU, and reviewed children’s books for The News and Observer and New York Times. Her events management company, Ardis Hatch Events, kicked ass wherever they went, putting on premium parties ranging from corporate openings and company picnics for a couple thousand folks to the opening for the NC Museum of Art; that event lasted for a week and hosted over 20,000 people. The company motto was “For a Good Time, Call Ardis.”
Ardis and Brad
She was a fantastic cook, could clean blue crabs faster than anyone I ever saw, and liked to drive cool cars. She was crazy and funny, so funny, and cool and smart as a whip…graduated from Duke University with Honors, and was president of Delta Delta Delta sorority while there. (One of her favorite pieces of advice to Jess, my daughter and her daddy’s namesake, was “Don’t be a member of a club or ANY organization unless they make you president.”)
She loved her daddy, the rough-and-tumble hunting/fishing/logging/fighting/womanizing Jesse Bradford Messick. But as tough as “Captain Jess” was, she really got her toughness through her mother, Cassie, who only became MORE intimidating after losing a leg to diabetes. As rough a guy as Jesse was, people always said to us that Cassie “could make that man climb a greased telephone pole. Backwards.”
Mom was a beloved daughter to them, a beautiful, bright, platinum blonde girl, a fire-baton-twirling majorette and at one time, Miss Beaufort County. I don’t have to imagine how much Jesse must have loved that little girl, because I have one of those beautiful, bright, capable, platinum blonde smart-ass daughters myself.
Daughter, wife, mother and grandmother…she was great at ALL of those things, and her friends would tell you that there was no better person to rely on than her.
When I heard that she had died, this morning at about 4:20 am, I felt that immense loneliness, that feeling of being cast adrift: Mom was gone. That lasted about 2 seconds, until Lisa put her hand on my shoulder and her forehead on the back of my neck. I’m not alone, even without Mom, because of Her, and Mom knew that. I’m sure, right up to that moments when she slipped away, she was totally confident that she had left her boy in good hands….the best hands. I’m sure it gave her great peace and comfort to know that Lisa would take care of me. She loved Lisa, truly, like a daughter. Her daughter.
Goodbye, Mom. I love you. You’ve now crossed the widest River there is, but, perhaps, maybe, one day, we’ll meet on that other shore
Ardis and me, 2006
A riverside service will be held on the bank of the Pamlico at Rest Haven, NC, 11 a.m., Saturday July 27, to be followed by a barbecue and fried chicken lunch. To RSVP or for more information, email [email protected]. Obituary
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Tags: Ardis Hatch, beloved daughter, Brad Kimzey, Cassie Messick, dear friend, death of, Delta Delta Delta, events management, expresses my feelings, fire-baton, Jesse Bradford Messick, kids published poets, mama's boy, Miss Beaufort County, NC Museum of Art, Order of the Long Leaf Pine, Pamlico, Rest Haven, reviewed children's boos, riverside service, smart-ass daughters, sudden loss, tribute to her
Comments
Very nice goodbye to your good friend – I’m sorry you lost her and glad you had her. bob
Thanks, Bob!
That is a beautiful essay! It brought tears to my eyes
Me, too, Henry. He really got across who she was.
Oh my, Brad, thank you for the beautiful portrait of Ardis as she was before I ever knew her. She was a force and a bright star. I’m grateful that I stood in her light a little while. Peggy, thank you for sharing Ardis with those who knew her and those who did not.
She really was a force and star –and had such a good time at it! Hoping all is going well with your folks, Steph.
Peggy, who is Lisa? I looked and looked but could not find where Brad says who she is. Thanks.
His wife, Lisa Kimzey
A beautiful tribute from a son. She sounds like a remarkable woman and you were lucky to have had her as a friend. I’m very sorry for your loss.
Thanks, Lee. I wish she could have read it.
Ardis hired me to do flowers and decor for many of her events and we became good friends. After we both retired, we lost touch…and I will always be sorry for that. She truly was a force of nature, and a dear friend for a time.
She spoke of you once to me just a few years ago and meant to get in touch and didn’t get around to it.
A friend of more than 50 years. That is amazing. We would all be blessed to have a child remember as Ardis’ son did in this piece. It was filled with profound pain and loss — but also joy and strength in that lifelong love. Perfect
I too am wowed by Brad’s so heartfelt tribute, Ruth. It’s sure not an easy thing to do. Years ago, Bob asked me to write him an obit so he could read it himself. He rejected it. It wasn’t sufficiently effusive. He felt I should carry on more.
Thank you, friends, known and unknown; your kind, positive words and remembrances of my Mom go a long way towards helping comfort her family and friends. Perhaps more than you know. I find my memory of my Mom warped somewhat by my own perception of her over the last 9 years, relatively helpless and at the whims of others, bedridden in an assisted care facility, and I especially worry that the legacy of this fierce, confident, super-smart teacher/businesswoman/mom/wife/poet will be dimmed in the eyes of my own daughter, who knew Mom mostly in that bed. But then I look at my daughter. She knows Mom, knows her wit and humor and biting commentary, knows her bawdy take on life and men, her compassionate empathy for her fellow human being. Yeah, and Jess has it, got it from Mom: she’s a smartass, too. Smart, twinkly, funny, bossy, cuttingly inciteful…both of them. I’ve got Mom in my heart, and in my daughter Jess when she stands right in front of me. Thanks, friends, for helping me remember Mom as she was, and is. – Brad Kimzey
Thanks for the beautiful portrait of her, Brad. And I know she was proud of you. Also, she managed her long bedridden time better than anybody else I ever saw. There’s a lot of strength in that. Plus it’s much to the credit of you and Lisa and Jess that there was some joy in that time.
Dear Peggy: so very sorry for the loss of your friend. I remember her name and her delightful personality, but can’t remember if I knew her from UNC TV or thru my cousin, who lived sort of across from the planetarium. Was she related to Mr. Hatch who was often at either the Western Blvd studio or the Chapel Hill studio. I miss Chapel Hill and its people in the 70s. Thank you for letting us know of her passing. Hope you are well! Robbie Lane
Thanks, Robbie Lane. You might have known her through appearances on UNC TV. Her husband was Ed Hatch, a lawyer. I don’t know of his being involved with the studios. I’m well and hope you are.