Silence Your Inner Critic–It Shouldn’t Work But It Did!
Dear Nicholas, Instead of my usual obsessive self-berating, I recently entertained myself on a Saturday afternoon by making a list of bad things others have said about me. To my face! Making such a list—what a truly weird thing to do! Those of us who beat up on ourselves (everybody?) can be very inventive in the ways we do it. 
Silence My Inner Critic?
To my surprise, I found the exercise soothing, relieving. Remembering and writing these things—lots of them silly, some pretty serious—ended with my feeling fine about all of it. I briefly silenced my inner critic, lost the impulse to blame myself for anything,
But why? Can you tell me? Do you have a theory?
Here’s a barrage of actual criticisms and accusations—direct and indirect—from family, friends, and daring acquaintances.
The List
You didn’t help enough when I was sick.
You didn’t help when my husband was sick.
You talked the whole time.
You never stopped.
You let him talk the whole time.
That pink makes you look washed-out.
You’re only interested in words and ideas.
You’ve had success as a writer?
Those sandals don’t look good on your feet.
You left dishes in the sink…the light on…the door open….
I’m seeing a new side of you.
Not your best.
You are so weird.
Why didn’t you tell me?
Yes, you do do that.
You’re an adult!
Are you singing?
Your eyes were cold.
You’re late.
It’s not you, it’s me.
Think about somebody other than yourself.
They’ll think you’re crazy.
I don’t really know you.
I don’t get a sense of you.
It’s like dancing with air.
You’re overshooting. You’re intimidating them.
Am I boring you?
You could change that.
I thought you always dress up for these parties.
You’re just not getting it, are you.
You might want to take some lessons.
Shortest skirt I’ve ever seen.
You said that?
I’ve seen you be cruel.
So back up and run over her again.
If you’re going to do it (use that mascara), do it on both.
No, it’s not true.
You don’t show me you care about me.
You never call me darling.
Are you trying to look ridiculous?
It’s not the book I expected you to write.
If you would stop fretting….
This could have been avoided.
No, no!
And from Mom to elementary school me: I wish something had been written about how to make up a bed.
And So… 
I have this to say in my defense: I wasn’t late. I have improved in some of these areas. And I only entered the tennis tournament to meet people.
Please tell me why making this list was a mood improver.
Peggy
#innercritic #scrupulosity #ocd #guilt
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Tags: b, bad things others have said about me, beat up on ourselves, blame myself, criticisms and accusations, don't really know you, inner critic, it's not you it's me, mood improver, obsessive self-berating, relieving, soothing, stop fretting, success as a writer, to my face
Comments
Thanks, Peggy
Thanks for this encouraging exercise.
Your conclusion reflects what FDR said in his early speeches during the Depresion ( what a name for those times!). “The only thing we have to fear is fear itself.”
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The only thing we have to feel guilty about is feeling guilty itself? I kinda like that idea. I’ve long felt that self-berating is the only true waste of time. It’s damaging and does no good.
Maybe it’s because you realized some were silly, some said more about the person saying them, some were just plain wrong and some, you have improved on!
Thanks, Kenju! A multi-reason answer! The silly ones did amuse me. A couple of them do give me pause, though.
Everything we do is for the sake of our inner Self. My meditation master taught me that 45 years ago. It’s true. I believe you’ve already found it from reading you. Your inner Self is perfect and so are you. I you don’t believe that, change the prescription of your glasses.
Just got some prescription sunglasses updated that I’ve had for more than 40 years, Chris. I realized that I was looking over the top of them because I could see better that way. Maybe I’ll update my view of myself as well. Working on it. Making some progress. And I’m very flattered by your assessment. Thank you.
I think that anyone who can hold onto a pair of sunglasses for 40 years belongs in the Pantheon of The Irreproachables.
Hilarious! Serious LOL. Sad to say, I’ve never been invited by this pantheon.Not even invited to buy a table at the induction ceremonies. Will investigate.
I think this works like inoculation: you put a bit of something under the skin, have a small or no reaction and you become robust to the actual infection. Good on you! And Thanks, Lauren
Such a good comparison, Lauren! Very apt.
I love this. And good to hear from you
Because it’s funny and it made you laugh?
We can all relate?
My fav ev” you left dishes in the sink”
And “you’re like dancing with air”
It did make me smile, Lynne. Some of it did. For me the funniest was the woman who said she thought I always dressed up for the parties. I felt that I was at that very moment quite dressed up.
Peggy, your list of critical remarks DOES include some possibly silly ones and some that probably say more about the other person than about you. Did you REALLY take even those remarks as critical of yourself? If your “obsessive self-berating” even enlists others’ innocent remarks as critical, then I’m delighted that making the list has given you relief, and I urge you to continue to list “critical remarks” each day, because I predict that your list will grow shorter and shorter as your self-therapy finally wins out, and you discover that you are ever so much better than your inner voice tells you you are. In fact, your inner voice will start to lavish you with praise and encouragement to go on being your good and beautiful self!
You’re very kind, Moristotle. And, no, I did not take all those critical remarks seriously. It’s the internal criticism I take seriously and it’s usually a lot worse than what people say. Maybe the fact that other people were milder is part of the reason why the list felt relieving.