Dear Nicholas, I’ve given up on being completely sensible, realistic, no-nonsense (I never made a lot of effort in that direction.) I’ve realized that some outright delusions are good for my happiness and mental health. I think of these ideas as optimism, which works for matters large and small. I realized one morning recently when […] Read More

Dear Nicholas, Husband Bob (age 83) and I (age 76) are both deeply sad at the loss of our dog Carlo, more affected than I can remember us being at other such losses. Is it our age? Is it harder to lose a pet when you’re old and so much more aware of mortality? Or […] Read More

Dear Nicholas, When Husband Bob was scheduled to leave rehab just before Christmas, I thought it meant that his health–mobility mainly–was greatly improved. Not so. The physical therapist said he’d need 24/7 care at home for a while. Turns out people are sent home when they have gone a few days, as Bob had done, […] Read More

Dear Nicholas, I have reached The Age of Others Keeling Over. People keep getting old, falling ill, some actually dying. This sort of thing has happened before, but in my earlier years it was an aberration, cases of dying too young. I saw this exit-watching process happen to my mother. She was 56 when my father […] Read More

Dear Nicholas, It’s a different holiday season for me because I’m almost entirely focused on one thing: helping my husband get well. The usual pressures of Christmas are gone. Bob has been in and out of the hospital in recent weeks and now is working on regaining strength in rehab. I won’t burden you with […] Read More

Dear Nicholas,  Last night Bob forgot to take his blood pressure pills and I FORGOT TO REMIND HIM. Then today I may have made a drug sorting mistake.  Now I am one scared caregiver.   The Challenging Situation In the last two years, Bob has had some little strokes and it’s very very important that […] Read More

Dear Nicholas, Three words of advice from you about twenty-five years ago popped into my head one night last week. And they were just what I needed to hear: “Let him grieve.” The Loss Husband Bob has been dealing lately with both being retired from work he loved for 55+ years and with the limits […] Read More

This is the kind of post that maybe I shouldn’t post… because it is critical of my work. But I’m agitated about this and am going to say it all here anyway in spite of the fact that three friends tell me it harshly misrepresents me and my work, and should stay private. But I […] Read More

Dear Nicholas, Instead of my usual obsessive self-berating, I recently entertained myself on a Saturday afternoon by making a list of bad things others have said about me. To my face! Making such a list—what a truly weird thing to do! Those of us who beat up on ourselves (everybody?) can be very inventive in […] Read More

Dear Nicholas, Sunday night, a dear friend of more than 50 years, Ardis Hatch, died in her sleep. She was 87 and had been ill for a long time. Still, the loss felt sudden. Her son Brad Kimzey wrote a tribute to her that is a wonderful portrait and expresses my feelings better than I […] Read More