To Will One Thing: A Different Holiday Season
Dear Nicholas, It’s a different holiday season for me because I’m almost entirely focused on one thing: helping my husband get well. The usual pressures of Christmas are gone.
Bob has been in and out of the hospital in recent weeks and now is working on regaining strength in rehab.
I won’t burden you with medical details, but simply say that he’s okay-ish, he’s not going to die of this set of problems, and he’s not having a lot of fun.
Focusing on…
With my sharp focus on his well-being in these weeks, a phrase has repeatedly come to mind: “to will one thing.” I had to look up where it came from. Danish philosopher Søren Kierkegaard said it, “Purity of heart is to will one thing.” To will one thing is clarifying.
Me, I’ve lately been focused on: getting Bob healthy. Which means being his spokesman with medical people (I keep up with his medical history, he doesn’t) and such as that. Mainly keeping him company.
Neglecting
Things I have not been focused on:
*Turkey
*Christmas shopping
*Tiktok
*Wishing Facebook Friends Happy Birthday
*Reading the news
*Decorating a tree
*Planning anything at all
*Netflix
*Recycling
*Getting exercise
*And our 41st anniversary yesterday which we didn’t remember until noon
Even the house guests
I haven’t even done much about the fact that my eldest stepson, his family of five–including three under six– plus two cats are camped for a few weeks on our living room floor and on the futon in my home office– visiting en route as they move from Texas to Krakow. I told them they’re on their own for food: cook up anything they find in our kitchen.
During Bob’s hospital visits, I stay overnight in his room. In rehab, I stay from late morning to mid-evening when they shoo visitors out.
In his various medical rooms, I have continued to work some on my novel-in-progress, have answered email, hung out with the visiting relatives. And weirdly, inexplicably have read a lot of true crime. That’s my whole non-medical schedule these days.
Taco Bell! Bojangles!
Since he has been in rehab, I have eaten mainly fast food that I can run out and get quickly. (Lots of fast food and not much exercise…a recipe for my own health.) On Thanksgiving, I brought take-out that I bought the night before so I could eat the holiday dinner with Bob in his room. Salmon from IHOP, a new tradition.
All else is: how is Bob today? And so far he has not complained that I’m overdoing it.
He WILL get well soon!
To will one thing (mainly) is intense and simplifying. I’m wondering if life will be simpler when this long medical episode is happily concluded.
Wishing you happy and healthy holidays!
Peggy
Categories: Uncategorized
Tags: coming home, get well soon, helping my husband, hospital stays, in and out of the hospital, Kierkegaard, purity of heart is to will one thing, regaining strength in rehab, return to health, simplifying, spokesman with medical people
Comments
Thanks. Our last Christmases were fairly intense. The last Christmas we just stayed out and didn’t even go over to my sister’s. Nothing mattered but Chris–and us.
I do hope Chris is well, Ann! The plural “Christmases” sure caught my attention. Wishing good health for you both!
I am so sorry to hear about Bob being in and out of the hospital. No fun for either of you. Please give him my best wishes for healing. I am full time caregiver for my 97 year old husband who is so very frail and cannot be left alone. It is very hard, but good for you for letting those pesky “should” go. Peace
Thanks, Gail. Have passed the message to Bob. You have quite a full-time job. Wish you strength and peace.
My hope is that Bob heals well from whatever felled him. And I wish both of you a very Merry Christmas and worry-free New Year !
Thank you, Kenju. And I wish you a happy holiday season. I know the holidays are often harder.
My parents never told me how hard this growing older is…did yours, Peggy?! Hope to see you in January when we move ourselves, two dogs and two cats to NC for Duke basketball for a month. We wish you and especially Bob peaceful and healing Christmas. Marjorie
Thank you, Marjorie. No, I didn’t get any warnings about age. My father died pretty young and my mother didn’t change her activities much until she was 95. But she suffered the loss of so many friends. I did see that that was happening. She came back from a trip once to find Franc had put obits of 3 friends on kitchen table with a flower. Save us a night in January. I’m hoping it’ll be both of us by then.
Will do!